So last night at Deomorph we talked about the ways to personally become a safe place for relationships. “When you create a safe environment, relationships flourish”. I thought it would be a good idea to have the points up so we can continue the conversation. I’ve pulled them from Dr. Gary Smalley’s book “The DNA of relationships”.
1. Respect the wall. When people are threatened, they build a wall. Instead of trying to knock down the wall with a sledgehammer, respect the wall. Create a safe environment in which the other person can gradually take down the wall.
2. Honor others. When we honor others, we see them as valuable. We see others as God sees them. Honor creates a safe environment in which people can come together.
3. Suspend judgment. When we express genuine interest in people rather than judge them, relationships have a better chance of growing.
4. Value differences. When we value our differences rather than make them the focus of our conflict, we create safety.
5. Be trustworthy. When we are trustworthy with others, we dedicate ourselves to treating them as the valuable and vulnerable people that they are. When we are trustworthy with ourselves, we act in ways consistent with our own value and vulnerability.
I have struggled with most of these things at different times in my relational development and personal maturity. Are there points here that you disagree with? Which of these have you mastered? Which are a work in progress?
3 comments:
I haven't warmed up to this yet, it seems like a step process. And i dont think those work that well. I see the benefits of this.
At this point i will plug my blog. www.youwillnotfoolmegypsy.blogspot.com
I have an interesting topic id like some comments on. It kind of pertains to this post, but i dont want to rewrite it all.
Thanks
I really don't think Dr. Smalley is providing a 'five steps to happiness' program. I believe he's presenting principals that we can use to create safety in our relationships.
I don't think these are the be all end all principals to fantastic relationships. I do however believe that there is wisdom here that can be gleaned.
Have you ever run across a person that is just oozing with their own fear of rejection, for example? They create this emotional smog around themselves that is just putrid! There is no safety in having a relationship with that person and he/she goes on feeding that sense of rejection by being the rejector. Think about how these principals could affect this individual.
After being married for almost eleven years I can tell you that this most important relationship has had its share of conflict as well as joy. We continue to learn how to work within our relationships to make them as good as they can be, as God-honoring as they can be.
I guess it all boils down to 'loving our neighbour' right? How can we practically do that? Creating and being a safe environment to be in relationshp with our neighbour is a good place to begin. Thoughts?
"I guess it all boils down to 'loving our neighbour' right? How can we practically do that? Creating and being a safe environment to be in relationshp with our neighbour is a good place to begin. Thoughts?"
Do you really love your neighbor?
How can you practically love someone you don't like, and if your suppose to love them, but don't like it and do "love" them, is that right? In life we are going to come across many people we don't like. So how do we go about that in a real way, not a fake way. I figure there are many other people that can "love" this person, why do I have too. I'm not equipped to like this person enough to love them, but hey, there is someone else who does, let them do it. Is that the wrong way to go about it, or a realistic way to deal with the facts of life?
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